"Are you empowering your son for the journey ahead of him?" By Funke Egbemode.

When I came across Funke Egbemode article, I screamed Yes. She just said everything that I have been thinking for the past two years or less. I just didn't have the "umph" to write a post on it. She writes about the need for an awakening in the way Nigerian mothers train their sons. An uncle of mine recently said that "It is more benefical to have a female child than a male child in today's society". He further said, "A female child will certainly take care of her parents but a male child is like tossing a coin and hoping for the head". 

I am not saying there are no good well-trained men out there. I believe there are some out there but I have to admit that the ladies are doing way better.

An excerpt from her article;

"Today, I am worried about our sons, today’s young men. I am truly worried and every mother should pause, take a closer look at her sons and daughters and answer this question: are you empowering your son for the journey ahead of him? Answer truthfully, after all you are alone and you don’t have to let anybody hear you.

I think Nigerian mothers have not done well raising future husbands and fathers. Let’s admit it, we have not scored above average, that is if we achieved average at all.

Take a closer look at your beautiful daughter and your handsome six-footer son. Who is better prepared for the task ahead? I know some of us had realised this and have done better than others but most Nigerian mothers need to buckle up. Our sons are not what they should be and we cannot have the society, the country we desire when we put unprepared men and overgrown boys in positions of authority. I’ll explain myself.

In too many homes, the wives are the bread winners. Too many women are paying the rent and picking bills that make a man the man. We do not need figures from the Office of Statistics because I know every woman in this country knows at least one family where the man is not truly the head. He is just a figure head. And every man who is a figure head is a sad commentary on his mother. Every young husband who waits for his wife to draw her monthly check before the monthly shopping can be done is a figure head, a proceed of a failed mother. That is harsh, right?..." Read more at Romancemeetslife

The Common Woman

Source: projectcasting

I don't want to be tagged a feminist. However, I don't think "the female" should be treated like a lesser being. I don't want a tag to who I Am when it comes to gender. I just believe we should all let our conscience guide our actions, especially when it comes to how we treat each other as human beings. I believe in the The Word "do unto others as you want others to do to you".

That being said, I will like to move on to the reason for this post. We all love and appreciate women that are doing it big in the industries. Women making the headlines, bringing change in their various sectors and exploring waters that are male dominated. These women deserve the standing ovation they get from us aspiring to be like them. However, we should not forget to appreciate the everyday common woman. 

Not all female tailors can be fashion designers with famous brands. If they all are. Who will sew your DA Viva Ankara or Aso ebi materials at affordable rates and within a reasonable time.

Not all caterers/cooks can own a fine dining restaurant like René Redzepi's Noma. If they all had fine dining, who will prepare that delicious firewood jollof rice for your wedding. Or will we all be glad if there was no longer "mama put" spots around?

I know that pepper/vegetable seller and pepper grinder in my estate has saved me from having so many failed dinners. The way they pick and chop that ugwu leaves.... So fast ... I always watch in awe. 

All around me, I see women working hard, trying to sustain their families and making a livelihood for themselves... The Cooks... The Cleaners on street of Lagos and your homes... The fish Sellers... Many are not appreciated because they are not the picture of the success we aspire. The least I can say is about the Common Woman is that she hardly settles to becoming an armed robber, kidnapper or a hoodlum / thug on the street, especially when compared to the Common Man counterpart.

It looks like I am just ranting a lot of words, but I am just trying to shine some form of light on women doing jobs that no one recognizes but yet their non-existence will make life a bit inconvenient for us. 

My 13 Favorite Things from 2013

Banky W "R&BW" Album - To be precise I loved the Yes/No track, everyone in my house did. We over rocked this track. 

Body Shop Body Mist: I love sweet, mild, calming and close-to-nature fragrances. I have been using the body shop body mists for two years now and I will keep stocking up on them whenever I get the chance. The Mango and Shea mist is definitely my favourite.

Kinky-Curly Knot Today Natural Leave In / Detangler: Its super light and non-greasy. The Ingredients in this product is minimal, not full of junks you wouldn't understand.

Source

My Digby Metal Frame Boxy Handbag by Dunes London: This bag is so functional and classy/classic. When I first set my eyes on this bag I knew I had to have it. 

 St. Ives Body Lotions: Usually I use oils and butters but since I started using the St. Ives Body Lotions I find myself pushing my butters and oils farther away from me. The great thing about this lotion is that contains no parabens, no phthalates, not animal ingredients. They are hypoallergenic (i.e. they contain  ingredients that cause fewer allergic reactions versus/when compared to the average lotions in the market), fast absorbing and non-greasy.

JVC Gumy Headphones: Not only are they super cheap (about £6), they are durable and the sound is good and very clear. Of course, no fancy bass or techno thingzzz but it does the job well. I have had mine for over a year now and considering the fact that I handle it roughly, it still works perfectly well.

Wafers like no any other, I will love to introduce Loacker's Classic Wafers. The vanilla is the best of the four flavours I have tried. I can take down more than 15 of this in a day. Yeah, that is how much I love them. It virtually melts in my mouth. Only writing about it now makes me want it.

If you havent seen my post on Unripe Plantain Fufu, then now is the time to have a look. Because I can't go a week without having this dish.

Social Media: YouTube, Instagram and Twitter kept me interested and updated this year. I fell in love with Bloglovin and so many blogs I can't begin to mention

                                                                      

I joined the Mac Ruby Woo bandwagon (*sigh* I thought I had over-grown for social pressure but nah nah). I don't regret it.

Zenith Bank MasterCard, the fact that my bank just one a MasterCard when you open any type of account that can be used anywhere in the world is bliss. It made traveling so much easier, hassle free and cheaper (because you exchange at bank rate and not black market rate) for me. #teamzenithbank #justbecause


The way Beyonce dropped her Beyoncé album.... I was like

I love this year's New Year Eve because I know it is far better than the previous year. I am more grateful this year for so many amazing things that have happened to me.

So that is it for 2013.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE

XOXO

Dreams

When all seem lost and we feel there is nothing left for us to do, We should never forget the power of being able to dream. YES! I believe dreams come true. The great thing about dreaming is that no one in your dream will have negative or discouraging words to say. 

Dreams are personal and must be treasured. Dreams are what makes the impossible, possible. Dreams are what make many jump out of bed every morning. Dreams give us reasons to strive on and live. 

I believe one stops living when one stops dreaming. So don't stop dreaming. This song by the Everly Brothers remain me of my dreams. I thought I should share. I use to love this song as a child, it use to make me happy. As an adult it inspires me. I think the song was talking about a girl but I interpreted it differently as my goals and aspirations in life. Although I don't intend dreaming my life away. 

Hope you all enjoy it as I do.

25 Reasons to be Grateful

I was contemplating on whether I should do this post but after much going back and forth I decided to give it a go. Here are 25 reasons in my life to be grateful to God.

1. For His love - God's Love
2. For Hope to carry on each day
3. For Health
4. For the Love of family and friends
5. For Happiness and Joy - Considering the fact that about 2 years ago I was in a dark place.
6. For helping me beat all the odds against me in life (Between God and I)
7. For Daily Wisdom
8. For comfort
9. For Wealth
10. For an Intellectual mind
11. For Doors of opportunities that keeps coming up despite my ingrate attitude towards them.
12. For Academic achievements
13. For the giving me to strength and will to be a blessing to others
14. For Daily purpose and direction - When loss a sense of purpose and direction, God always has a way to put me back on track.
15. For growth
16. For the business that has been entrusted to me
17. For Abundance of blessing - I feel blessed each day and I know I will have a blessed live. I know God was referring to me when he said in 3 John 1:2, "Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth."
18. For adventures - I have gone and seen places I never thought or imagined possible.
19. For constant innovation
20. For bringing helpers my way
21. For Beauty 
22. For all my material possessions
23. For my room - (No one can imagine how much I love my room)
24. For my blog - cluelessrandoms.blogspot.com
25. For 25 years of ups, downs, failures, success, trials & errors, breakthroughs, forgiveness, mercy, peace and for much more things to come.

I thought looking for 25 reasons will be a tough one for me to do but when I started thinking and listing them, I realized 25 was just so small. I could go on and on. Thanks to everyone that reads this blog. Try not to be like me and wait for a day like this to count your blessing. Try to count your blessings daily, as I intend doing from henceforth. 

Happy Birthday to Me

Taking a Break from Norms

A new era of my life has just arrived. This era involves me taking a break from my normal thought patterns and ''absorptions''. While I will still remain true to my fundamental beliefs and values, I need to appraise my priorities and needs, and determine new ways that will work out better for me in achieving my life-time purpose on this planet earth. 

Not intending to sound very Mother-Theresa-meets-Margaret-Thatcher-ish, this post is about taking a break from my normal vibrantly colourful nail polishes to a very neutral one. 

So here is my nail polish of the week 

Nail Polish 

L.A. Colors Base Coat 

L.A. Colors Nail lacquer  

Yes!!! This post is a very selfie one. The amazing things about these L.A. Color nail polishes are that they went for 99p (approximately N250) in a beautybase store and they dry super fast. So I got myself about 10 different colours.

The Adult I Wanted To Be

Source

As a child, I always wondered what type of adult I will be. I use to observe every aunt and adult females around me. I look for traits in them that I wanted to possess when I grow up.

I wondered if I was going to be the sister that goes to church with the big box-like net hat; or the aunt that is an embarrassment to the family; or the stylish aunt that has lots of pretty and stylish friends that all went to the best parties in town.

I wondered if I was going to be the man-eater and gold-diggers kind of sister; or the most intelligent that bagged so many degrees, successful achievements and trophies;

I wondered if I was going to be the “indifferent aunt” that felt satisfied with just being a “house-woman”, with no interesting life exposure, no enthusiasm to achieve anything great with her life. 

Just a living plain old boring life is perfect for her.

Even as an adult I don’t know what aunt/sister I turned out to be. However, I wonder what the younger ones see when they look at me.

Why Can’t I Just Sleep In!!!!!?????

I crave for mornings that I can just lay-in back in bed and do nothing but relax throughout the morning. Be able to just lay in bed, read a book, drink a nice cup of warm chocolate tea and doze off every minute or so.

Sigh…. Those mornings only happen in my dreams. An attempt at it will warrant a lecture on what it means to be a great daughter, a great woman and eventually a great wife and mother. I will get reasons why an African woman cannot afford to be lazy and lay in. I will get a sermon on the pathway of failure. I will get a rundown of the list of people that I am responsible for.

If I just by any chance give in to my instinctive pigheadedness and sleep in, I will combat a whole day of the silent treatment and a constant future reminder of my lazy actions. And NO, all the other 364 days of waking up on time to perform my morning duties will not count again because that 1 day sleep in will trump the previous 364 days.

Honestly, I don't see a sleep in day coming anytime soon because I am not up for the saga that comes with it.

Balanced Diet VS Dieting

It baffles me when a balanced diet keeps being mistaken for dieting. When I was in primary school, I was taught all the classification of food, what a balanced diet meant and why we should have a bit of everything.  Now every magazine and newspaper I flip is always stating how a celebrity got their body through dieting, reading closer I find that all they did was sticking to a balanced diet (in most cases, exempting those other or ridiculous extreme diet plans). This makes me question people’s view of dieting. You are either on a balanced/good diet or an unbalanced/bad diet. A balanced diet is not dieting, it’s just eating right, and the way Mother Nature created you to eat. Also, not over-indulging or over-eating shouldn't be mistaken for dieting. 

At parties or gatherings (in Naija especially), I find it irritating when I turn down food I am offered food again after just being done with one and I hear ''She is dieting''. Thanks for the food offer again, I appreciate your act of kindness but No!! I am not dieting, it's just common sense to not eat more than your body needs. If you have a balanced dieted, you will not need to start dieting. I can’t over-emphasize the fact that a healthy diet should be a way of life and not a trend. Everything in life needs moderation and balance to properly work, eating is no exception. Eat well,  Drink lots of water, Keep moving, Get busy, Sleep well, Love well, Laugh well and Give. 

Put Down your Neck!!!

I have heard this sentence more than a 10,000 times from my mother but it just never sinks in. It is a habit I started since I learned how to walk. My mum thinks it disfigure my beautiful posture when walking and standing. I rise my head very high in the air, maybe because I feel I am suppose to be taller than my present height or maybe I see things from a different horizontal point of view. Which ever the case, it's a habit that I haven't put in mind to stop until today. 

RAndom RAnt 1: Experimental Cooking

Source: thekitchn.com

I find normal cooking to be a good thing and something I like doing. What I find even more fantastic is experimental cooking. Experimental cooking is when you cook outside the norms and rules laid down by ancient unknown/invisible forces. I usually wonder why water should be boiled to 100 degrees Celsius before adding the rice, when I can put both at the same time or anytime and still get the same result. I have never understood some set rules in cookery when they all achieve the same results when done otherwise. I love challenging the normal and usual in cooking. I believe that is what makes a confident cook. This is applicable in all areas of life.

When I was in my late teenage years, my mum and aunts were always on my case about my inability to properly cook and make soups. This totally puts me off cooking and I always got apprehensive about cooking. My mum had this define rules/norms she followed. All her sisters and relatives followed these same  norms/rules to cooking. She tired teaching me too but I was finding some unnecessary and challenged others. 

I also had an older family friend who tried to teach me how to cook. She had totally different norms/rules to what my mum does. She obviously thought hers’ was the right one and my mum thought the same about her  own too. They both gave me HUGE headaches when I was trying to decide on which to abide by.

When I moved into my own place and stopped eating out, I started cooking. However, I didn't really start enjoying cooking until I challenged the norms, doing my own twists and coming up with my own recipes. I use lime/lemon to cook every type of chicken, I don’t fry my tomato paste with oil and the list goes on and on. I have made lots of mistakes, try and errors but also learned a whole lot of things. When I now think back, I feel both my mum and family friend was both right, they just had styles that they stuck to when cooking.

I have gotten very interested in other cultures’ spices and food. I don’t believe there is a wrong way of cooking, I just believe everyone has their own way and should sometimes push and break boundaries, try things differently.

“Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won't come in.” - Alan Alda

What cooking rules/norms do you follow? Have you challenged it?

Two Month Update

I have been away for a while now and I can give being overloaded with work as an excuse but that is not entirely true as I have even finished watching season 1 – 5 of Breaking Bad US and Castle Season 2 – 4 since my last post. So what exactly have I been up to apart from catching up on TV shows?

• Travelling (Lagos – Abuja – Yola);
• Working (some 10am to 5pm things);
• Bonding with new friends/people (Just started really enjoying the Wats App application on my phone);
• More cooking ( I can honestly say I spend up to 3 hours every day doing this and trust me it is in no way voluntary);
• Enjoy reading other blogs; and
• House chores (since moving back in with my parents, this has become a thing I can’t avoid any longer).

You can all see I haven’t been doing ‘nothing’. Anyways, I intend to have more posts up soon. :)

Not Another Natural Hair Tale

I am trying not to make this blog about my natural hair journey because there are so many bazillions blogs out there about it. However, these past two months have inspired me to write this post. I decided to go natural sometime mid August last year (2012) but I didn't big chop my hair until November. While I was glad that I had B'Ced, I felt very vulnerable and open with a tiny little afro. 

Source

I was so worried about what my family members (especially my mum and dad) will think when they see me. My mum was in no way happy with my new look but because my dad loved it, she didn't give me much hassle. Her greatest concern was that all my ''potential boyfriends/partners'' and/or men will not find me attractive with natural hair. Four months in and my thin, scanty and lifeless hair gained so much volume, life and kinks.

Contrary to my mum's concerns, men have been my greatest supporters. For every lady (a few though) that has asked 'why I cut my hair?' I have had a man come in my defense, even before I could utter a word. I try not to mention to people that I am on short hair because I am going natural, I don't want to start explaining my reasons to closed minded people. 

To my awe, many ladies have approached me to ask how I do it and what they should do when they go natural? I get inspired each day by the number of questions I get from strangers about my hair and the friends around me that have started considering going natural. Another huge inspiration for me these past two months, are two newly acquitted younger teenagers (10 and 12 years old) I have come to know. The 10 years old has been disturbing her mother about cutting off her relaxed hair from the first day she met me. She tells her mother that she want a big chop like mine. Her mother had to eventually do it earlier this week after a month of persistent asking.

The other 12 years old asked her mother about it but she got a big NO. So she decided to do it on her own with a scissors. (What have I done? Don't want to start an army of lil rebels). Her mother is fine with it now though. When I heard the story of these two precious ones, I felt humbled and overwhelmed with joy. Not because I have an issue with relaxed hair but because my actions have inspired people that I didn't make an effort to inspire. I have been considering adding some colours to my hair but with the amount of little eyes around me, I don't think I will do anything too crazy. We don't want mothers holding meetings over my hair and their kids rebellious behaviours. 

So far my hair journey has been a very worth well one. The biggest news of all and the main reason why I decided to do this post - My mother said to me today ''K----! I think I want to go natural like you''. *My mouth drops*

Place of Serenity

Everyone has a place or more that gives them serenity. It might not necessarily be a place; it might just be a large working space or a tiny bedside table top. Until I can get a proper working space, I have found my bookshelf top to be my micro place of serenity.

My own place

I have my jewelery boxes, flower vase with faux flowers, some travel souvenirs, candles and a collectors box on it. I am not a strictly neatly/tidy person. I will rate myself an average (or a 5/10) on tidiness but when every part of my life and bedroom is in muddles, this bookshelf is always neat and in order. My family members know better than to mess my BS* top.

Also, my sister finds my Dad's room to be her place of serenity. My Dad is usually busy and hardly uses his room except at night to rest. Whenever she says ''I will be at Dad’s room if anyone is looking for me'' we all know better than going there to disturb her. I think she feels very safe and relaxed in his room. It initially started with her hiding there in order to avoid being sent on errands (as the youngest child) but gradually, she found it to be her place.

I believe everyone should have a place where they find calm or just feel relaxed. Some friends find their homes to be that place. When I was an intern and living with a family friend a few years ago in a different city, I found my office cubical to be a place I looked forward to being.

Where do you find to be your place of calm?

*Book shelf

Cheerio United Kingdom, Homeland Here I Come

Enough with it!!! After about a year and half of being back and forth with this decision, I am finally moving back to homeland (Nigeria).

I have spent about three years and four months in the UK and I must say that there are a lot of things I will miss about the UK as there are also a lot of things I will not miss about it. I have resolved to make a list of these things. Let's get started;

THINGS I WILL MISS

v  Easy access to everything shopping

v  More shopping options

v  Free health care

v  My personal space and my new/old friends

v  Endless world restaurant/cuisine to choose from

v  Fast Internet

v  Constant electricity

v  Great transport system

v  Late night outings

v  Diversity in culture and people

THINGS I WILL NOT MISS

v  The synthetic taste of the food and fruits… erghhh

v  The cold/chilly weather and lack of enough summer/sunshine

v  Wearing too much layers because of the cold

v  The lack of community spirit among neighbours/people

v  The awkward weirdness among people in all the public transport system

v  Friday/Saturday morning piss-y odour on the streets

v  Hit and miss friendship

v  Miniature roads, houses, rooms, cars and offices

v  Unruly teenagers

v  Right hand car steer – I never got use to this, still always got in at the wrong side

This is just a list 'off my head' I bet there are more to add in each category that I can't remember. However, at this moment, these are the ones that I can think of. All things good, I will miss London but change is necessary for any kind of growth in life.

 Image Source: Picture88.com 

A walk down the toilet roll aisle

I was walking down the supermarket aisle of ____ and came across these toilet rolls. I was tempted to buy one of them because I just recently re-visited using shea butter on my body/hair. However, I took a long pause to think about how in God’s name does a shea butter infused toilet make any difference in anyone’s life?

I read through the content on the roll packaging and found nothing to support or highlight the use of shea butter on this toiletry. For sure, no one wants their asses smelling like shea butter. Makes me wonder if things like these are just advertising gimmick or maybe it has a real purpose? I decided not to buy it since I couldn't come up with an explanation for the use of shea butter.

How much thought do you put into the things buying?

Happy New Year

The NYE has arrived and there is always this expectation for people to always be somewhere or have something spectacular planned. Well f*** that, I don't have anywhere to go and don't want to be anywhere else but in my pajamas watching Homeland. For years now, I have always felt the pressure NYE. I feel I have to be having fun at a party, kissing at midnight, fireworks shooting, at the watch night service and so on. This year I decided to revive myself from that pressure and just do what comes naturally. 

For everyone that have something doing, those that are just like me and those that are in between, I want to wish you all a happy new year. 

XOXO

Clueless Fadekemi

The Emeli Sande

Voice so filtered, piercing through the heart

Reminder of the purpose of music, the food for the soul

In a time when every other focuses on sexuality, vanity and money

She cuts through and reaches out for depth

Inspiration, acceptance and insight is what her words of music offer

Distinction is what she exudes

May not be a worldly accepted talent but for those that search for more meaning in life

She speaks the language you desire.

The Petite Woman

Christina Milian, Salma Hayek and Reese Witherspoon

There is nothing as irritating and feeble-minded as the underestimation of the petite woman's physique. Petite women are usually expected to have little strength to match their size and regarded as incapable of doing as much as the average woman. The uncomfortable truth is close to one third of the world's population of women are petite but they don’t realize it.

So, who is a petite woman? In the US, women that are approximately 5 ft 4’ and under are referred to as petite. Sometimes, I find that so many petite women criticize one another. Meek, fragile, delicate, vulnerable... is usually the characteristics associated with women of this physique. For those that come off with a bold and strong character, people often assume her stature to be the reason, stating things like “She is bold... because she is small and don’t want people to take her for granted.”...sigh.  

Grace Kelly

Some series of secret interviews was conducted by Barbara Walters for the ABC 20/20 Show that entailed a company seeking people to fill their executive positions. The results showed that the interviewers before the interviews perceived petite woman to be lacking intelligence, competence and leadership abilities due to her height. However, on the contrary, the petite female executives interviewed possessed top notch education and management experience, which many of the tall women considerably lacked in comparison.

While I have nothing against the tall or average sized women (plus my mum is average and sister is tall), I find that the generalization of petite women into a fixed stereotype is bizarre and ridiculous.

To be Pondered Upon

This is just me being lazy and posting something I have been struggling with for a while now. Happy Friday everyone!!!